Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The making of an Epic 90s' movie

Scene 1:

The great bollywoodian college, the Royal hatchery of all romantic adventures, drama embedded with sad Kumar shanu songs, skirmishes with a dash of karate and hockey sticks, dollops of deceit or "dhokhaa" courtesy "The Sadashiv amrapurkar-Tinu anand" school of thought and a 24x7 Canteen with brittle tables and chairs, this is what sums up a kick ass early nineties' movie.
So here's the star cast template (note the alternatives as well)

The college dude, Our hero, Vijay...( Ajay devgan/ Govinda)

The nakhre waali ladki, Tina ( Raveena tandon / Aayesha julka / Karishma kapoor)
The spoilt brat, wears tight leaher pants and owns a jeep, Vicky (Mohneesh behl / Aaditya pancholi) note: At least 10 colg girls have fallen prey to his 'zism ki bhookh'.
Bad boy's papa, with more political "links" than a wikipedia page, MLA Jorawar singh (Sadashiv Amrapurkar)

The shrewd Business man, the crafty hotelier and the jigree dost of Jorawar singh, Singhania- which is apparently his first name- ( Tinu Anand)

The man who never smiles, the tense Papaji of the heroine, and also Signahinya's employee, JeewanLaal (Kulbhushan Kharbanda). Honest to the bone.

Hero's khuddar papa, feel sorry for him he's crippled and unemployed, boohoo - Baa(b)uji (Suresh Oberai)

And lot of other quintessential actors like, Mcmahon, Atul agnihotri, shakti kapoor, jagdeep, tiku talsania, Tom alter , Brownie etc.
The first frame of the movie is an aerial shot of the deemed college located somewhere in aamchi Mumbai. Vijay (ajay devgan) is one not so bright student of the colg. His mark sheet resembles a sanitary napkin, (yep red) and answer sheets your blog's comments page, but then geeks never have scored anything with the pretty girls of the college, so there. The film-history is replete with accounts of geeky nerds, who have been completing colg damsel's notes for ages to no avail. They get nothing but for a cheeky "Thanks Ramesh! mai tumhaara ehsaan nahee bhulaa sakti " and then she rushes to the garden Coohie-cooing with the college hunk.

The eligibility criteria for a desi college hero of the 90s':-
1) He should have at least 2 kg of hair mass over his head.
2) He should have at least 2 pairs of air tight jeans and "Action ke sports shoes".
3) He should be deep in debt to the college canteen.
4) He should have a "Dukhiyaaree maa" and an "unwed behen"(sister) (who will be raped/killed/maligned at a later time by the anti-hero elements)

In addition to these he rears a battery of sidekicks consisting of failed actors, TV stars, and erstwhile child artists. These personnel give him company in the canteen, encourage him to woo the heroine, assemble at the back of the hero and synchronize their dancing steps whenever a tune is played in the background. These guys come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and infest on the canteen balance of Vijay.

Now one fine day as these guys were idling around in the college corridor brooding over kimi kaatkar's sex appeal, Johny(a random sidekick) exclaimed "Kasam paida karne waale ki kyaa item hai, abey yaaro wo dekho, hoor ki paree aa rahee hai….aaye haaye kyaa latke jhatke haii..*sighhh*" // note the cornyness of the dialogue

Eye balls of the group, virtually pop out. The bespectacled fatso's thick lenses get frosted. There she is, at the far end of the corridor briskly cat walking, our girl of the movie, the desi damsel 'causing' distress. The camera is fixed at her posterior as she walks in slow motion. The students lining the corridor are gasping. She is wearing a black shimmering outfit, Needle sharp high heels and black translucent stockings. The amount of lipstick on her lips is sufficient to manufacture a pack of candles and the ear rings are as large as handcuffs. Even the professors are readjusting their glasses to have a good look.

As she nears the esteemed pack, vijay rolls up his sleeve, hand combs his hair, makes a shashi kapoor face and stares at her. The sidekicks are holding their breath. The moment has come.She arrives and throws a glance at vijay. "Huhhh!!" she curses loaded with a ton of snobbery. Meet Tina ( Raveena tandon). A typical "maghroor" ladki as Vijay proclaims. There are limited words in her dictionary for boys - "You isshhtupid chhodo mera haath!!", "You bloody idiaattt", "Shut up Youuu". Ahh the perverts love that.

"Iss ladki kaa guroor todnaa padega!!" vows Vijay.

The seed is planted. :)

To be continued…..


  1. I remember getting totally excited about "McMohan" after realising his namesake ran the WWE

  2. n dnt miss the stunts of the hero vijay in his bike.

  3. Whatever happened to Alok Nath??

  4. and oh my favourite gunda-mawaali chhedo dialogue to the heroine:

    as the gunda chhedos the heroine she says: "Bastard!!"
    Sevak Mawaali " "arey guru yeh toh bastard keh rahi hai?"
    Guru Mawaali: "Bastard keh nahi rahi, bastard chahti hai...chalo..."

    and they attack her!!

  5. U missed out how the girls best friend also simultaneously gets hooked with "Vijay's" best friend.. if he has 3 frnds even the girl has the same number f chaddi buddies

  6. And they all were resurrected in Jaani Dushman.

  7. Hahahaha

    Uh, didnt the early 90s Vijay wear baggy jeans (sky blue) with an equally balloon like shirt with geometrical prints in crazy colors? Yeah, and action shoes, of course :)

    Crazy! Keep going!

  8. Awesome narration.........!!!! Good...

  9. Hehehe that's so us and our good old 90s film. You're too funny . There's very good reason I follow you...gabar!

  10. And how can I forget those pagall shaitan boys from class who prtends to be crazy lover & copy's everything Vijay does. From writing love letter in blood with "jee thA Jiske leyaii, jiskeeeee leyaii marth thA, ekkkk aisaii larkhii thi jesa main pyar Kari thAi" to flaunting uninvited & force kiss on our check when light goes off during evening study hours. All due to viay pag al pan in film!